Chatterboxes are amazing, wonderful creatures—they always find the perfect opportunity to carry out a raucous conversation, whether in a silent library, an important meeting or a class filled with students trying to learn.
These class-act individuals give no regard as to whether or not other students care to learn, and why should they? College students are notorious for shelling out the big bucks only to skip class, text and never pay attention to what is being taught.
The idea of wasting thousands of dollars and accumulating a truckload of debt for an education that has not been received is a typical dream for any co-ed.
Students would much rather hear about how many cups someone’s cat knocked over, who slept with whom at that crazy party last night and what Tiffany was doing at Justin’s apartment at 6 a.m. The only things open past three in the morning are legs, my friends—we all know what Tiffany and Justin were doing.
The pupils nearest these blabbermouths greatly enjoy being showered in the aroma of pungent breath. So much so, they must edge as far way as possible and cover their noses to hide admiration for the natural odor of some bigmouth’s orifice. Gum, mints and of course toothbrushes are for those who fear a little variety in life.
Nonetheless, it is an honor to be blessed with the sounds of breathy windbags. The fact that these delightful beings have the ability to carry on a conversation through an hour-and-20-minute lecture is awe-inspiring.
The majority of in-class gossips can go several minutes without breathing in between each rambling sentence, so I am positive they would easily survive a push into the San Marcos River. It only makes sense that these folks make excellent swimmers given their ability to hold their breaths for so long.
The discourteous students around said chinwaggers, busy with absorbing knowledge, have absolutely no right to shush or bemoan the chatterer. This is America, damn it, and our delightfully talkative friends have every right to exercise their freedom of speech—regardless of the occasion and mood of the room.
If anyone should be belittled, then I nominate those who refuse to join in on the conversation. How dare these insolent mortals try to learn in the presence of such mindless gabbers? Oh, the audacity and unfairness of it all.
These sad, studious souls are to be pitied because they have no knowledge of the policies of public decorum. The policies, put in place by one of our country’s finest orators and representatives, Donald Trump, are rules that should be followed closely and to a T. Follow these four rules and you too can be a modern-day Republican front-runner.
First, be sure to talk over others—they did not really want to say whatever they were about to. Try to insult people mercilessly at every turn—it will only make them stronger. Say the first thing that pops into mind—it usually is the best possible statement. And finally, always talk during class—no one is trying to learn anyway.