University Star

What makes good television? In my opinion, the weirder the plotline, the better. That’s why I love the SyFy Channel. Where else could you find a made-for-TV movie about a half-shark, half-octopus? Or movies based on obscure H.P. Lovecraft stories about half-fish, half-human Spaniards who sacrifice people to their fish god?

I’ve been thinking a lot about animal hybrids. Mind you, I do work at my ‘ol alma mater, Seguin High School. I've also re-watched the Syfy Channel original movie, Sharktopus. Just how does that happen? 

I will use this opportunity to explain “the birds and the bees” to my four-year-old cousin -  when a shark and an octopus love each other very much, they have a mutant baby... that's why you have blond hair and your mom has brown. 

My roommate told me she can just imagine the type of guys who come up with ideas like Sharktopus - men wearing sans Hawaiian shirt, khaki cargo shorts and baseball cap, sitting on plastic chairs in a circle in some trendy office space and drinking forties in Koozies. I've given this a lot of thought. Doesn't it sound amazing? 

I think I will give up being a journalist and join the creative forces at Syfy. 

There has to be some sort of animal hybrid generator. Yes, yes, there is! They even make noise! This is what I do on a Friday night. It'll pay off... one day Syfy will call me up and ask me for movie ideas that involve mutant hybrid animals created by the military, and I will tell them all about the sqrrk- a part squirrel, part bird, part shark that terrorizes Canadians. 

Mutants, by their very nature, are supposed to be bloodthirsty. It doesn't matter if it's piranhas (regardless if they're in 3D), humans, sharks, birds, etc. However, mutants make us appreciate who we are and the things we have. The little things in life are a staple to American cinema and to society as a whole. Thank you, mutants, for helping me realize that I need to get out of the dorm more often.