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Climate change solution: get rid of humans

Illustration by: Rachel Bostick | Staff Illustrator

For around 4.5 billion years, the earth has been doing its earthy thing, but it only took us around 300,000 years to ruin it.

The human species is inept. There is no possible way for our species to utilize our unique brains to figure out the massive environmental problems facing the planet. The only way to cut the unhealthy tie between fossil fuels and us would be to use another source of energy. If only free energy could fall out of the sky or something.

This planet is unique, as far as we know. Therefore, we must sterilize every single person to save planet Earth from ourselves.

We were given a beautiful gift and we have continuously spat in its face. In 1989, Exxon Valdez ran around in Alaska spilling oil all over the untouched wilderness. We let this happen and we are lucky Mother Nature can’t slap us in the face.

We started the practice of agriculture around twelve thousand years ago, and even with all of our supposed intelligence, the Dust Bowl struck in the 1930s. The Dust Bowl was a result of poor soil practices which caused massive storms ruining many lives. If only we could have prevented this tragedy by having some practice with farming…

The number one problem facing this planet is the overuse and misuse of resources, and people are the only ones doing this. Therefore, we must sterilize everybody. This would be very hard, but I think chemistry would be the answer. We could develop a chemical and spray it from airplanes. Of course, there may be some side effects to this planet-saving chemical, but if the aim is to rid the worlds of humans, then this should not be a big problem.

The human intelligence can only go so far. We have gone to the moon, but can’t even recognize the dire situation Earth is in. Humans do not deserve the one-of-a-kind planet we have inherited. We must sterilize everyone now. As this last generation gets into its golden years, they will have no one to take care of them, speeding up the retribution Earth craves.

This may sound cruel to kill off our own species, but it is necessary to save the Earth. People like Ted Cruz who deny climate change further prove the necessity to sterilize everyone. This practice would be artificial selection and we could select the stupid genes to breed out. However, we are all stupid so the only way to artificially select the right genes out is to sterilize everyone.

With all the nonsense our species has created, it is time to say enough is enough. For example, the movie Wanted could not have been made by a species designed to survive.

The good thing is the chemical needed to rid the world of the human parasite would take some time to develop. Therefore, everyone reading this will not have to be the last generation.

If you love this planet, you can agree sterilization of the species is the only answer.