When life hands you lemons, make a lemon drop martini because it will only get worse from here.
College provides the perfect opportunity to develop a drinking problem or a drug addiction. Upon exiting college, a dubious young adult can expect the cold, hard realities of becoming a full-fledged adult to pimp slap them into submission.
To deal with the stress of a hollow job, a massive pile of debt, mounds of bills and many other forms of punishment for growing up- one can turn to alcohol to drown out sorrows or a cocktail of drugs to ease pain.
Being a person is gross and unnecessarily complicated, therefore the only solution is to kill oneself in the slowest, most liver-damage inducing way possible. Who cares about livers when life is steadily kicking one in the genitals?
A variety of alcoholic beverages await consumption for those who have been kicked in the gut by life. For the classy, sophisticated, several cats-owning individual looms wine. The sport-watching, genital-scratching, taste-less joke making creature can always turn to beer. And the art-making, music-listening, pierced bohemian will unceasingly have absinthe.
Just as there is a variety of liver-destroying beverages to consume that numb the pains of life, one must not forget the mind-inhibiting drugs.
The bountiful array of substances the divine creator has blessed us with range in function and consumption methods. The drug one decides to take depends on personal choice and amount of free time. For those with little time to develop a drug addiction the old fashioned way- with a good ole’ needle in the arm in a back alley- I suggest prescription pills.
All one has to do is find the nearest “behavior child” to acquire all the medications they need.
By choosing to begin one’s addiction journey in college, that being will be ahead of the game. According to the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, more than 23 million people over the age of 12 are addicted to drugs and alcohol. No one attending a university should be beaten out by a 12-year old in any field—just saying.
As students, we deal with a lot of stress such as unnecessary tests, redundant finals, grating jobs and bothersome significant others. Hitting the bottle every now and then is totally understandable, because most entities at Texas State can’t handle their basic classes, much less life.
Drugs and alcohol are the adult versions of juice-boxes and recess; as soon as someone polishes off those activities they are sure to be naptime ready. The only difference being that with drug and alcohol induced naps those darned caretakers are less sure of whether or not the person is dead.
There will be those individuals that claim that drugs and alcohol aren’t the answer to your problems but they obviously are on something much better. Life is highly overrated and the sooner Bobcats realize that, the better off they will be.